abajeb

Well, Christmas break is over, and it was back to school today.  The kids were actually pretty good, mainly because they were half asleep all day.  LOL  That’s okay … I can handle sleepy students - it’s the rowdy ones that get on my nerves.

I was exhausted because I didn’t sleep well again last night.  I don’t know what my deal is.  I still went to the gym and did 60 min. of cardio right after school (15 min. on treadmill, 45 min. on elliptical).  I was really proud of myself for going to work out because the first day back after a break is always the toughest at work, and if I managed to work out today, I really have no excuse to skip on other days.  :)  My “rest days” this week will be Wednesday and possibly Thursday, due to obligations at work in the afternoon on those days.  We’ll see … I may be able to sneak to the gym in the evening after Savannah goes to bed or get up at 4:15 and go in the morning before getting ready for work if my 24-hour access card is ready.

I really pushed myself today and did 30 min. on the elliptical, followed by 30 min. of interval training on the treadmill.   I burned a TON of calories. Woo hoo!  I also ordered the mixed grill at Olive Garden tonight for my mom’s b-day dinner, and I only ate half of my meal.  I did eat 2 breadsticks, but I only had 1/2 piece of birthday cake and gave the rest to my hubby.  All in all, I would call that a success.  :) 

I REALLY am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.  I miss my students, but Christmas break is just so wonderful … I have really enjoyed myself.  My family totally spoiled me with my Christmas gifts this year, and I had such a great time spending extra time with my daughter.  Oh well … I get a 3 day weekend in 2 weeks, so I’ll just focus on that. 

Well, it wasn’t my first workout at a gym EVER, but my first workout in the gym in almost 2 years - yikes!  I only did 15 min. on the elliptical and 20 min. on the treadmill.  I realized I am REALLY out of shape … it’s hard to believe I used to be able to run 3 miles at a time.  LOL  Oh well … I’ll get back to that level eventually.

My eating was really weird today, do to lack of sleep and a busy day that included shopping and 4 hours of work at school to get things ready for next.  I didn’t really eat a full meal all day - just snacks and mini meals (most of them not all that healthy).  I’m being brutally honest, so here’s what I ate today.  Please don’t judge me.  LOL: 

Homemade cranberry scone
Bacon-egg-cheese bagel from McD’s
Milky Way candy bar
1 cup nutty sweet potato soup (SO good!!!!)
a few goldfish crackers and teddy grahams when my daughter was snacking
2 servings of this creamy chicken casserole thing my hubby made - it was awesome, but it had cheese, sour cream, mayo, and cream of mushroom soup in it, so I’m sure it was very bad for me.
100 calorie snack pack
2 pieces of divinity

Whew!  I am really hoping for a more structured eating plan tomorrow. 

That soup is soooo good … I should post the recipe.  It’s from Ellie Krueger on the Food Network.  It has sweet potatoes, carrots, cayenne pepper, honey, onions, garlic, peanut butter, and a few other things in it.  It has a great, nutty flavor with just a little kick from the cayenne pepper.  Yum-o!!! 

It’s weird … I didn’t really do that well with my eating yesterday or today (leftovers that weren’t all that healthy, followed by 2 meals at restaurants today), but I don’t even feel bad about it.  I mean, this is a lifestyle change and not a “diet” that’s temporary.  It’s not realistic to think I will never again in my life eat a cheeseburger or eat out twice in one day, so why beat myself up about it?  Just focus on making changes and look at the big picture. 

I’m still fighting a nasty sinus infection or something … hubby, daughter, and I have all been sick off and on since Dec. 15th.  It’s awful!  The minute we think we’re over it, one of us will wake up feeling cruddy again.  Anyway, despite that, I did work out Monday, Tuesday, and yesterday.  I felt worse today and just couldn’t do it … I will hopefully feel better tomorrow, though, and can get a workout in.  Fitness Survivor 4 starts Saturday, and I am PUMPED!  This one is going to be totally different, and I think it’ll be really awesome to see how it plays out.  I’m excited!!! 

Well, I over indulged a bit yesterday, but that’s okay.  I made a conscious choice to enjoy myself when I went out to lunch with my best friend, who is in town from Georgia.  I only ate 1/2 of my meal, though, so it wasn’t too bad.  I brought the rest home, so I was really proud of myself.  We had some friends over last night for game night and ordered pizza, but I only had 1 breadstick and 2 slices of thin crust veggie-lover’s pizza, so I don’t think that was too bad.  I didn’t weigh this morning to see if I did any damage because I’m only weighing in on Saturdays … I don’t want to obsess about the scale and how my weight fluctuates so much from day to day.

I’m off to a nice start today - PB sandwich and coffee for breakfast.  I’ve already had a diet dr. pepper (yes, it’s not even 11 am yet - don’t judge me -LOL).  I’m going to have leftovers for lunch and probably for supper as well.   I will post my food log later if I have time.

I’m going to go exercise while the baby is napping and then have a nice, relaxing afternoon of scrapbooking, reading, and playing with my daughter.  I am REALLY not looking forward to going back to work next week, so I’m going to enjoy as much of my time off as I can.  My parents are keeping Savannah overnight tonight and most of the day tomorrow so that Jason & I can take our Christmas decorations down and maybe go see a movie.  I’m dying to see “Marley & Me” … it was such a great book! 

I never realized how much mindless snacking I’ve been doing lately … it’s a miracle I didn’t really gain any weight over the holidays!  Sheesh!  I kept catching myself going into the kitchen to grab something … thankfully, I threw out the last of the sweets today and I’m journalling everything I eat - I think that’s really going to help me be accountable.

I exercised for 60 min. today while the baby was napping.  I just did aerobics while watching TV.  My gym membership gift certificate is for Jan. 1-April 30th, so I’m super excited about getting started with that.  It’s only a one-time $20 fee to get a 24-hour access card so I can go work out in the mornings before work.  I’m going to have to get up at 4:15am to get a 1-hour workout finished and still have time to get ready for work, but I think it’s doable.  I’m toying with the idea of just taking all of my stuff, getting ready at the gym, and leaving from there to go straight to work.  Why not?  They have showers and really nice locker rooms there … I could just get a locker there and buy an extra set of all of my toiletries to keep there, so I would only have to pack my clothes for work each day.  It’s just something I’m toying with … if I did that, I might get to sleep until 4:40 or so each day.  LOL

Anyway, here’s what I ate today.  I think blogging it where even total strangers can see what I stuffed my face with will be yet another way to help keep me on track.  I may not have time to post my food log everyday, but I’ll do my best.

Breakfast:
1 pc. whole grain toast with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray
omelet (3 egg whites, 1/2 serving colby jack cheese, a few bits of ham)
coffee with sugar/cream

Lunch:
Wheat bun
breaded chicken patty
1/2 serving colby jack cheese
1 teaspoon light mayo
1/2 can light vegetable soup (low sodium)
1 serving oyster crackers
Sugar free applesauce w/ cinnamon
Diet Dr. Pepper

Snack:
1 serving baked cheetos
small handful of peanuts

Supper:
1 serving meatballs/marinara Homestyle Bake pasta dinner?
Wheat bun with ICBINB spray
100 cal. sugar free pudding cup
1 teaspoon peanut butter

diet Dr. Pepper
I also drank 9 glasses of water today.

1.  I will exercise first thing in the morning for 60 min., 5 days a week.  I will get up an hour and 20 min. earlier M-F to make this happen.  This will A) ensure nothing unexpected comes up to interfere with my workout time, B) keep me from having to find childcare so I can go to the gym because my hubby will still be home with my daughter, both snoozing away , and C) offer no excuse to skip the workout other than “I’m too tired and don’t want to get up,” which is immature, lame, and irresponsible.  I will have the workout completing first thing in the morning, which means more time with my family in the evenings.  Any exercise I do in the evenings or on weekends (example:  going for a walk with my family) will just be “extra,” but will not count towards my workout 5X/week rule.

2.  I will write down everything I eat.  I am not going to obsess about calories or tracking WW points at this time … I’m just going to journal what I eat.  I have lost 60+ pounds before and know how to eat healthy and in moderation - it’s just a matter of doing it.  Writing down what I eat each day will keep me accountable and help ensure I am sticking to correct portions, not snacking on junk or sweets between meals, etc.  If my weight loss plateaus at some point (which I know it will), I will use the food journal to adjust my diet accordingly. 

3.  I will check in with BuddySlim regularly, both to update my progress on this blog, and to also check in with my buddies and in the forum.  Participating in support groups and challenges on this website will provide support and motivation that is DIRELY needed at this point.

4.  I will focus on my weight loss goals, as well as my fitness goals:
* 228 pounds (my pre-pregnancy weight)
* 199 pounds (onederland)
* 175 pounds (my weight on my wedding day)
* 161 pounds (my lightest weight, ever)
*150 pounds (my ultimate goal)
* I will begin running at the gym and/or in my neighborhood
* Running for 30+ min. without stopping
* Eventually competing in  5Ks

I will work hard to achieve these goals to the best of my ability every day … no more excuses.  Excuses are what allowed me to get fat … I cannot let myself fall into the traps of laziness, apathy, or self-pity.  NO MORE EXCUSES!!!

Two years ago (before I got pregnant), one of my husband’s relatives bought me a sweater for Christmas.  It was a size 2X.  I was mortified, not only because I opened it in front of everyone and I’m sure they all saw the tag, which might as well have been a flashing neon sign, but also because she said, “If it doesn’t fit, I have the receipt and you can exchange it.”  Okay, so I’m sure she said that meaning that if it was too BIG, I could take it back.  But to my burning ears, it sounded like, “If that size is still too small for your lard @ss, you can take it back and get an even bigger size.”  I was depressed about this sweater and refused to wear it because I just couldn’t believe other people would look at me and think I wore a size 2X.

Fast forward to this Christmas … what does my mother-in-law buy for me?  Adorable pajamas (which I love), with little Scottish Terriers all over them.  So cute!  And then, she made THE COMMENT … “If they don’t fit, I can exchange them for you.”  I figured, okay, she probably got a size XL or MAYBE a 2X, but I won’t let it bother me.  After all, I’ve had a baby since then and at least I’m trying to do something about it now.  But what do I see on the tag?  3X!!!!  As in XXXL!  OMG, I was beyond embarassed.  Does she really think I’m that big?  And then I realized … the very shirt I had on while opening her gift was a 3X.  I justified buying it by telling myself it was somewhat “clingy” and had a little stretchy material in it, and I like my shirts to fit loosely …. but the truth is, I really am that big, and it’s not something I can hide.  It’s easy to look at yourself in the mirror day after day and be in denial and not really “see” your flaws … I can avoid spending a lot of time in front of the mirror and just imagine that it’s not that bad … but the truth is, it IS that bad. 

My reaction this time has been so different.  After my realization, I was so thankful for my MIL for giving me cute pajamas with a wake-up call thrown in for free.  The very next night, I opened gifts at my parents’ house, and what did they do?  They got my hubby and I a gift certificate for 4 months membership at a local gym that we used to belong to, before I got pregnant.  I definitely think someone is trying to tell me something.  :)  I am so thankful for both gifts, because I know they will help me to reach my goals.  I will wear those PJs with pride (they are a little loose now after all), and I will look forward to next Christmas, knowing I will never again receive clothes from the “plus sized” section of a store, and people who care about it will not have to embarassingly cover for the larger size by saying, “It’s probably too big, but …” when they know very well it’s NOT too big.  Just wait, buddies … thanks to the gym membership, the motivational jammies, and my new attitude, I will be one hot mama for Christmas ‘09. 

Okay, I have been really stinking it up this week with the FS3 challenge this time around.  I don’t know what my deal is, but I am just so unmotivated right now.  I’ve got to get out of this funk!  Jason & Savannah were both really sick, then we had her first birthday and party, then it’s almost Christmas, and I’ve just had a really hard time sticking to my plans.  I always do tons of baked goodies & candies around Christmas time, and I’m having trouble staying out of them myself.  Here’s the damage just from today:

3 blossom cookies
2 peanut butter balls
1 cupcake
2 peanut butter bars
1 Great Harvest sugar cookie

Argh!!!  That’s in addition to not one but 2 servings of leftover cheese dip with chips today.  I am having major PMS, so the sugar cravings are really high and temptation is all around me.  I haven’t exercised since Thursday, and I haven’t been drinking enough water lately, either.  I feel bloated and gross, and I know it’s my own fault.

I haven’t weighed since Saturday when I had lost a pound.  I have got to get it together tomorrow.  I think I’ll weigh in the morning … that may give me the kick in the pants I need to get back on track.

I don’t have much time, but I want to get my extra points for answering the blog questions for FS3, so here we go:

[B]What am I hoping to achieve in the end and how do I think it’ll change my life?[/B]

I am hoping to reach my ultimate goal weight of 150.  I haven’t weighed that since I was in middle school!  More importantly, I want to be healthy and have more energy.  I want to be able to fit into the closetful of clothes I have from when I was smaller (and be able to shop in the regular section, not the plus section!).  I want to be more active and have plenty of energy to do the things I want to do.  I think achieving my weight loss goals will change my life in so many ways, and I can’t wait!  I want to be proud of how I look instead of embarrassed to go out with my husband.  I want to be able to participate in fitness challenges, like 5K’s and maybe even a 10K.  I want to be a runner someday, and I want to be successful so I can inspire others.  I want to be able to look back on this weight loss journey at how far I’ve come and be proud of myself for achieving a weight loss of 108 pounds.